after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
