I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
