Sponge bath it is.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
