you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
