Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
