Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
