He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
