I heard we made out
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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