batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
