you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
