rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
