remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just gargled with NyQuil
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
