Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
