dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
