Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
