she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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