I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
