okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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