I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
