I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
