I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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