I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
