I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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