I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
