So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You have to summon your inner elephant
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
