She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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