so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
