i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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