At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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