Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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