He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
