i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
