Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
