Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
