So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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