I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
