I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
