she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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