cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
