I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
