That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
