So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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