God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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