I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need a burrito and a hug.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
