he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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