You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
