I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
