there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wear drunk well.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
