Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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