I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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