NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
