he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
