I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
