Everything about him screamed your future.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
