i used baking grease as lip gloss
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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