I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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