The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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